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Personally, me and monkeys got beef.

I have a decades-old scar from a pet monkey that bit me, totally unprovoked. Monkeys are stinky, filthy, weird little perverts. They are ridiculously cute, but that doesn't mean I'll forgive them their trespasses.

A Texas woman did trespass on some monkeys recently at the El Paso Zoo. Luz Elizabeth Rae was filmed trespassing inside their enclosure, stepping in murky monkey water (GROSS!), and throwing Hot Cheetos at them. Not only was the woman arrested for criminal trespass, she was also fired from her job.

According to NBC News:

The stunt at the zoo cost Rae her job at the Lovett Law Firm. The company said Monday that she had been fired and called her behavior "irresponsible and reckless."

Here's the footage:

Presumably, this woman did this for internet clout, which is absolutely pathetic in my opinion. But who knows? Maybe this will launch her influencer career. I've seen dumber things happen. The zoo found out she did this because they saw the footage on social media. They pressed charges, as they should.

Zoo animals have highly specialized diets, which I'm sure does not include Hot Cheetos. I feel like an appropriate punishment would be to wipe up monkey diarrhea for a month. Additionally, what this woman did is super dangerous. She could have easily slipped and fell. And even though monkeys may look small, they have incredible monkey strength and monkey violence in their hearts. (Did I mention I have a vendetta against monkeys?)

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